I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
