If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
