So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
