Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize