You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
