Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
