Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
