i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
soo... how was my night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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