is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ttyl tear gas
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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