I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
