wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
