singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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