i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Are we still banned from the library?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
