if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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