I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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