in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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