take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
