yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
