Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
