You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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