people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
