I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
