u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
