besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
whose ass print is on the piano?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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