Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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