never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize