Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
