Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize