Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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