Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
