Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
