Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
