hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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