i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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