so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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