you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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