My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
