OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
