I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize