I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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