Girls should come with a carfax report
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
