You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize