Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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