Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
