I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
