i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
