Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
