So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
