I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
