Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
