Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
