I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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