:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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