Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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