he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
