brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
