never play flip cup with pint glasses
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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