someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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