dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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