I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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