have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
