I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize