I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
